Hi Aphrodite thank you for posting this!
I just want to know how people feel about this topic? My sister and her husband met 10+ years ago in college. He was an Engineering student and she started MED degree. A few years into the relationship, they were so much in love and decided to tie the knot. He had graduated and had a good job, while she was still in school. They bought a house and were very happy. (At least it seemed so, my sister and I were close and I was aware of all the little differences they had, but felt that their relationship was an ideal one. They both gave me the best advice about my own relationships. A few years ago, my broter-in-law was offered a great opportunity in another State a few hours away from home. After giving it a lot of thought, they both agreed to move there. She was able to continue doing research and go to school while he worked. Although she was happy and loved him dearly, she never adjusted and kept wanting to move back. She finally gave him an ultimatum (ouch!) and moved back to her hometown where she was offered a teaching job while she did research for her MED degree. He begged her to stay and yet wasn't ready to give up his job and start over.
How could that be? How could you be so in Love with someone to wanna spend the rest of your lives together and let a career choice put an end to a marriage.
Please share your thoughts and similar experiences!!
Leslie xxx
Dear Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid to tell that it seems like your sister and her husband aren't into each other like it seemed to you that they were. When a couple decides is unwilling to compromise and they end drifting away, it's one of two things, either something went wrong and they need their space or they're simply not into each other and one of them may have decided to be involved with someone else.
I experienced something very similar where a wife moved away and soon after her husband fell in love, got married and had a kid within 1 year and a half. My explanation is, it was bound to happen sooner or later, it was a just a matter of time. They simply weren't the happy couple they seemed to be and needed to move on. She was hurt obviously because she thought he'd leave everything and follow her. In her case she was living a fairy tale and overlooked reality, which only ended up hurting and disappointing her.
Hope you'll find this explanation helpful. Good luck!
Best regards,
Clemence.
My dear Lesley
ReplyDeleteUs human beings are very complex and we often come in our lifetime to many crossroads where we must choose a direction.
We will never know whether we took the right decision, as I beleive our path is already mapped out for us.
As for when it comes to the people we fancy or fall in love with at 16, changes dramaticaly at 24, then changes again at 32, then! at 40 we wonder what we saw in that person we fell in love with years ago, and so on. At 60, if you are down to earth and realistic, you realise that, the whole life experience is shallow. Nothing ever lasts, nobody is indispensable, and everything we experience is made up only in our brains.
In a situation what you percieve is completely different from what someone else percieves in the same situation.
I am sorry to crush your dreams, but the big for ever love is only in the movies.
We are born in this world as one unit and ultimately we are alone. We must love ourselves and not pin our hopes and expectations on another person as they have their own hopes and expectation themselves and why should you supress your feelings of loss and not belonging in a new place for another person. when these feelings will never go away.
Like the trees and the animals we come into this world, we blossom, then we die. So, just do what you beleive is best at the time for you and your life will just go on.
Shakti
Shakti and Clemence,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments. You're absolutely right. They must have been both ready for something different in their lives.
Unfortunately, when the two aren't on the same page, one of them is bound to get hurt more than the other. Especially when they don't see it coming.
Nevertheless, I sure hope that there are better things planned in the futures.
Shakti, I sure hope that your age analogy is a little off, I m still looking for a partner to share a lifetime with, and it's already such an exhausting and demanding process, I couldn't imagine having to do it again in my 60s, ;-)
Greatly enjoyed reading the comments.
One eternal love,
Les, xxx
Depression
ReplyDeleteI am alwyas moved when someone shares their own experiences with depression. It is so hard, even in the 21st century now, to talk about such things. Every one has their own unique experience of it. One size DOES NOT fit all. So it goes for treatment for depression too.